On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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