Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
