Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We have started to decorate penises.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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