I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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