he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
