remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
