so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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