he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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