We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
