Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
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Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
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I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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