woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I have post one night stand depression
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