So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
