Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
