I think im going to throw up on grandma
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
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Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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