he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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