so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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