Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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