What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize