he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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