You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
