Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
