I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
