YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
