I'm pants shitting drunk right now
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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