ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
