apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
