Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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