Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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