So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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