If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
