u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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