So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
