Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
