I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
