Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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