You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
