Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
