The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
