I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
