we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
