she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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