It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
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It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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