This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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