I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the condom got lost in my hair
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
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