I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
