You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I will die if light touches me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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