ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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