her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
