Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
