It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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