He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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