Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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