I just saw a hot homeless man
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
