The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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