I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Non-Jews are for practice
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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