I want to have your abortion
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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