sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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