she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
