i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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