yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
