i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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